The Imperfections of Humanity
by sdbubbles
Summary: Serena makes an effort with Zosia, trying to make her see matters from a different, perhaps slightly more ruthless, angle.


**A/N: Hello! This idea came to me after this weeks episode, "Eat Your Heart Out," after Serena tells Zosia she needs to sort herself out.**

**Sarah x**

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A knock at her office door distracts Serena; who on Earth is still here at eight at night who knows she's hiding? And then she remembers and she has to smile. She knew the girl would come looking for her eventually. "Come in, Dr. March," she calls.

The door opens and Zosia steps in with two mugs. "How did you know it was me?" she quizzes Serena, handing her a mug. She can smell chocolate and marshmallows, and she feels warmer just with the scent approaching her.

Serena just flashes her a knowing smile and takes the hot chocolate, realising her little outburst may have shot some sense into the young doctor. It isn't long before they sit in silence, and Serena refuses to be the one to break it. Zosia needs to see that there are no winners in this situation. Zosia's lost her mother; Guy's lost his wife; her mother lost her life. There are only victims. And the sooner she sees that, the sooner she can settle her own heart.

Zosia looks up and stares at Serena. "We make a good team."

Serena has to agree, remembering with a grin how they had made Guy squirm. After the way he has spoken to Serena since he set foot in the hospital, knocking her off her perch with no warning, she's taken great pleasure in watching him have to do something he was loathe to do. It had given her a massive amount of satisfaction to turn the tables on him, however small the scale.

"We do," Serena agrees. "Your father must want to keep us apart as much as possible." It makes Zosia laugh despite the anguish Serena knows she must feel. She pulls her long hair out of its bun, letting it fall over her shoulders. "I have to admit, between you and me, watching him squirm has been _extremely_ satisfying."

"He's not treated you with much respect, has he?" Zosia asks. "Typical of him, to waltz in here and think he owns the place. He sees you as a threat, so he tries to keep you on the ground." Serena stares at Zosia; the girl knows her father inside out and yet fails to understand his weaknesses. She doesn't see his redeeming features – his determination and his loyalty to his profession – but is blinded by his many flaws. But it's part of being human to be flawed, and it's something Serena has learnt the hard way, both through her own actions and others'.

Serena shrugs non-committally, something she doesn't normally do, but she doesn't want to colour Zosia's judgement. It's a view she must see without taking into account Guy's relationships with anyone else. How he treats Serena is irrelevant here. What matters is what has become of him and Zosia.

Zosia falls silent and Serena doesn't push her, so she looks down into the deep brown contents of her mug. She'll say what she came here to say in her own time, once she's found the words. She thinks for a moment, wondering if she understands that it's her welfare Serena cares about. She doesn't care much for Guy – in fact, she would very much like to give him a good slap every time she lays eyes on the man – but she doesn't think Zosia's approach is doing her any good whatsoever. What does hating him really achieve for her?

"What you said earlier..." she begins. Serena looks up and can't tell if Zosia will remain calm or turn stroppy on her. "I don't expect you to side with me, or even to understand, but I just can't stop hating him." Serena listens, trying not to judge what she doesn't know. After all, she hadn't been there, but she does see the consequences of what has happened: a father and a daughter, barely on speaking terms. "It's just the betrayal of it, to know he lied to me over and over again."

"Maybe it's just what he and your mother thought was best for you," Serena reasons quietly.

"Maybe, but it wasn't best for me," is her reply, assertive and definite, leaving no room for her own doubts. "It was best for _him_, maybe, but not for me. We can't have Guy Self's daughter failing medical school, can we?"

Serena feels a pang of sorrow for her, realising now the Zosia sees it as an act for Guy's own personal gain, to not be embarrassed by his child failing to become a doctor. But as much as she dislikes Guy, she can see even in the way he looks at Zosia that he does love his daughter, and he must have done it for her sake. "What is it you can't seem to grasp, Zosia?" Serena sighs. "He _thinks_ he's done the right thing by you. In his eyes, he has, even if you resent him for it."

"If he thought he had done the right thing he wouldn't have crawled inside a bottle for the best part of a year," she retorts. It's plain to see her disapproval and her disgust at how Guy has dealt with his wife's death, but Serena is older and wiser and knows what it is to feel weak and powerless, even when she's not. And helplessness is something she knows Guy must be feeling as much as Zosia does.

"And you never thought it was just pain that drove him to do that?" Serena challenges. "Isn't it enough that he's lost his wife? Isn't that reason enough to drink himself stupid? People do it over far less than that."

"Edward," Zosia sighs. "I heard about his escapades."

"He's not got an excuse apart from that he's managed to turn himself into a hardcore alcoholic," Serena explains. "He's barely functional. He can't pick up a needle without risking someone's life. At least Guy took time out to get drunk." It's an attempt to make Zosia see Guy does know where the line been right and wrong lies, even if he tiptoes across it to get what he wants, with regards to how he speaks to her in particular.

Zosia lets out a bitter laugh. "Thank goodness for small mercies." She adds, "He shouldn't have done it in the first place. It was a weak, pathetic, selfish thing to do."

Serena sighs in despair. She didn't expect that helping the young doctor would be so frustrating. She's not easy to convince. "It's human nature to fail," Serena says to her quietly. "To cry. To fall apart. To grieve. To hurt. To love. To have a million weaknesses and still somehow live." She keeps her voice level and calm, and she sense Zosia is now paying her full attention to what is being said, hanging on Serena's words. "Humanity doesn't allow for absolute strength, so stop expecting it. There's not a single person on this planet who hasn't slammed up against their own walls at some point. Everyone is allowed to fall. It's who sticks around to help us back up that really matters. The people who love us _try_ to help and comfort us, even if they fail, and that they try is what defines them, not whether or not they succeed in their attempts."

Zosia leans forward, her elbows leaning against the desk, and she says, "He's not doing a very good job."

"He's looking out for you," Serena points out how he has misguidedly tried to sway Zosia's superiors to get her into surgery. He probably has gone about it badly, and he surely must see he's only angering his daughter, but he loves his daughter, otherwise he wouldn't even bother. "Or at least he's trying to."

"He's _trying_ my patience." She sets her mug down while Serena holds on to hers, trying to understand why Zosia wastes her energy with all the unpleasantness. "I hate him," she reasserts, but Serena sees behind the girl's eyes. She's a young woman, yes, but behind her eyes remains a girl who feels hurt by her father, and who is trying to make sense of her world crumbling beneath her feet. In many ways she is still juvenile. She acts in the heat of the moment and often without maturity.

Serena leans forward as well, saying over the desk, "No, you don't. If you _really_ hated him, you wouldn't give him the time of day. You don't waste your energy on the people you truly hate." The tired shine in Zosia's eyes betray her true feelings – that she does love her father but is struggling to come to terms with how he has screwed up. "You know I'm right."

"You usually are," allows Zosia. "That's what makes you so damn irritating." Serena smirks, knowing exactly what she means. "Alright, so maybe I don't really hate him. But that doesn't mean he deserves my forgiveness."

Serena gives a short, incredulous laugh. "You're not doing it for him. You're doing it for _you_!"

It's obvious quite quickly that she's managed to confuse Zosia. "For me?" she asks.

"Whether you like it or not, your father loves you," Serena explains to her. "There's no getting away from that. And I don't know; maybe he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. But you deserve a parent who loves you, and you can't have that unless you forgive him and make some kind of effort with him."

Realisation falls on her young face and she confesses, "I've never thought of it like that." Serena knows that the girl will use her father until she manages to love him again, and she won't even realise it's happening. "Doing it for my own benefit rather than his..." she trails away. "Force him to step up by letting him try. It's twisted. It's devious. I like it." Of course she likes it; she's ruthless, just as Serena can be.

Serena takes a long drink from her mug and Zosia mirrors her. "Whatever his mistakes, Zosia, it's all down to the imperfections of humanity. Just because he's failed you, that doesn't mean you should have to go without a father when you've lost your mother as well."

"How do I go about this?" she asks, her tone worried and uncertain, and Serena can understand what makes her worry; she doesn't know how to deal with her father after almost a year of pretending to hate his guts. Maybe she has hated him, for a time, but she doesn't now. It's in her eyes. Zosia doesn't seem to realise how much can be discovered simply by searching her eyes.

Serena smiles gently and replies, "You do just what you've done with me. Sit down and talk, and stay _calm_. But I'd leave it until tomorrow. Let him get over the traumas of today," she adds with a devilish grin. It makes Zosia giggle despite herself, and it pleases Serena that she's not lost her sparkle or her sense of humour over her situation with her father. Serena pushes the F1's long hair behind her ear. "It's been a long day. Go home, eat something thoroughly fattening for dinner, have a glass of wine and go to bed," she advises.

"Yeah," she sighs. "I'll just wash these up."

"Leave them," Serena orders her. "I'll do it."

Zosia nods in thanks as she stands up and straightens her red scrubs before sauntering towards the door. She stops and turns, her fingers wrapped around the door handle. "Ms. Campbell, just so you know..." she starts to say, but she seems to doubt herself. Serena again waits for her to speak, knowing she must eventually, now she has begun. "Just so you know, you're not what everyone thinks you are. You're far kinder than you pretend to be."

Serena gives her a small smile and Zosia nods once before she leaves to do exactly as she has been told to. She's been sent to accept the imperfections of humanity.

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**Hope this is OK!  
Please feel free to leave me a review and tell me your thoughts!  
Sarah x**


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